Why can’t I orgasm?

Women and orgasms

Women not being able to orgasm is very common, so for those who haven’t or think they can’t, don’t feel alone, abnormal or damaged in any way. Its completely normal and its fixable. Don’t feel ashamed or feel like you have to fake it forever. In general there is a lack of knowledge that surrounds the female orgasm. Female orgasms are viewed as mysterious and we have been brought up believing that women are less sexual than men, and not as interested in sex or can’t truly enjoy it. These ideas lead a lot of women to simply give up, or just accept sex as not being fun or enjoyable. Take it from me girls, that is not the case at all!

And the fact that its been said that men orgasm far easier than women isn’t true either. Its all about the right knowledge and facts about your body that makes an orgasm definitely achievable. Causes of not being able to orgasm can also be physical or psychological.

Common causes of failure to orgasm (anorgasmia)

Not being stimulated enough or in the right way
Worried about sexual performance
Traumatic sexual experience
Health issues
Pain during sex
Relationship problems
Hormone changes/Menopause
Mood disorders/Depression

All these can contribute to not being able to get full satisfaction out of sex and reaching that orgasm that everyone needs. I myself personally, couldn’t go without one. With the right partner, finding out what your body needs, hitting the right spots and relaxing into it, all women can actually achieve a regular climax. You dont have to live with anorgasmia, its fixable in almost all cases.

Some women enjoy sex without reaching an orgasm, where as others constantly stay unsatisfied and eventually it can become an issue in a relationship. For those women, you need to find out where the problem is, address it and resolve it, so you can enjoy sex and have that orgasm that you deserve. Some women might find orgasming whilst masturbating or using sex toys far easier, but this is a great way of learning about your body and where your most erogenous zones are. Once you know where they are, then you can guide your partner whilst together under the sheets. If he’s the right partner, then he will be more than willing to learn.

Men and Orgasms

Not being able to orgasm can be worrying for anyone, no matter what gender, but for men its probably quite distressing, but fortunately for them its not that common. Most people think that the male orgasm comes quite easily, no pun intended. But not being able to orgasm is tough and can lead to low self-esteem, lower confidence and cause problems in a relationship. For some it makes them feel less of a man. If you are a man experiencing this, then know there are solutions to fix this, be it with a sex therapist like myself, or with things that you may find helpful in my blog posts.

Difficulties experiencing orgasms every so often can be quite normal. If they are not a regular problem, then they will probably resolve themselves quite quickly. Sexual function in general can be quite up and down. Like sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, and the ability to orgasm can change. But men never want to know what is the cause, they just want it fixed.

Sexual fantasies/desires can actually be exciting during sex and boost things up, and watching pornography whilst masturbating can get a man going and get them off. As long as its not a constant need, then its healthy and normal and actually can add a bit of excitement. Always good to mix things up a bit.

A man knows, like us women, what he likes and how he likes his penis to be touched. Its far easier to get off doing it himself, than someone else doing it, or so he thinks. But this is where communication between partners comes in. We all need to be more confident talking about sex in our relationships. Every day is a school day, even with sex. I am still learning all the time what my partner likes and what turns him on. We all want great sex, so we need to know exactly what are partners like. They can show us and we get to practice and practice makes perfect, believe me. Just that bit of confidence, being more open and more communicative with your partner can open up a whole new world in your sex life.