The psychology of sexual kink
The psychology of sexual kink
The sexual word “Kink” is associated with leather, spanking, corsets, whips and maybe even cucumbers! Fifty shades of grey is probably the most recent and famous example of kink, specifically bondage, discipline, sadism, dominance, and BDSM, but slightly more vanilla.
The kink sexual preference can come across as a bad thing, and the psychology behind it can be slightly misunderstood. Kink is classed as “freaky” and “not normal”, which is completely untrue. Understanding how kink develops and what people get out of it is a step towards knowing its a part of human sexuality. Its considered as “consensual, non traditional sex, sensual, and also intimate behaviors such as sadomasochism, domination, submission, erotic role playing, fetishism, and erotic forms of discipline”. At an early age people start to come to terms with their kink interests, feeling different, and realising that not everyone shares the same interests. With this they tend to do a lot of research online and find others out there with the same interests.
Dominance and Submission
Dominance and submission is generally always the key layer to all “kinks”. Understanding how it functions and works around your own relationships is key to creating the kinky sex life of your dreams! Dom/sub dynamics are actually played out in the form of most sexual activity. One person being more dominant and the other submissive. But with BDSM these are more explicit. BDSM stands for bondage, dominant, submissive, and sadomasochism. This is where 2 of more people engage in a more consensual power engage. The submissive willingly hands over power to the dominant one.
Consent
The key word in kink is “consent”. Kink is all about giving and taking power to a much higher level. Since consent is a must in all these types of practices, it gives all parties involved the opportunity to set the sexual boundaries and to stick to them.
How D/S can play out
D/S dymanics will play out in any kinky scenario, and how it shows up is up to you. This is what makes it so appealing. Many think that D/S dynamics are based on pain and violence, but thats not the case at all. With this experience you can cater to all your interests. It doesn’t always mean pain play and can actually involve more sensual play, pain free role play and much much more. A Dom may consensually practice bondage with their submissive to get a feel for the power that comes with it. Bondage can be used as a reward, punishment or even just as an experience to show who is boss, but in a safe way. Any kink scenario can be unique and an amazing experience for those who are willing.
Boundaries
Negotiating boundaries are very important and must be set beforehand with both “Dom” and “Sub“. They are both equal members in the power exchange. Neither is in complete control and means that BDSM is all about negotiation. The discussions you have before you go ahead are very important. They are to place, express clearly the boundaries to be set, what your expectations are, and what you consent to. This helps create a healthy boundary before going ahead with the dynamic. You also need to make sure you have a “safe word” in place beforehand so that if during play you feel things are going too far and you are no longer comfortable, you can halt all actions. You need to feel safe to explore all edges with the ability to still say “no” if you feel something isn’t right.
With all boundaries set the Dom takes on a lot of responsibility with this dynamic. They are the one who is responsible for the mental and physical side of the Sub. If you are the Dom then you must be aware and respect at all times the care and safety of the Sub. As a Dom you are given the reins to control. Do not go ahead if boundaries have not been discussed before play as this is cause for an instant “Red Flag”
Aftercare is important
BDSM and Kink come with a lot of emotional intensity and need for concentration. Also comes with a lot physical activity and requirements, such as pain and tying knots etc.. During this dynamic we experience a “high” similar to being on drugs. We feel stimulated, emotions are running high and can feel like you are floating on a cloud. Subspace has been described as being in a meditative state which has been said to be quite therapeutic and can have psychological benefits. Because the meditative state in kink can be quite high, you need to take some time to “come down” from it. Talking through the scenario after between Dom and sub can always be a good way to wind down, and if with a partner then some intimate cuddling time can be important to re connect. Aftercare is crucial when doing BDSM because it allows us to return to the state of calm after being involved in particulary intense scenes. We need care after emotionally complex experiences and empathy, which makes our kink experiences so much better.
